Wednesday, April 1, 2020

Gratitude and grace in the time of COVID-19

Bluebonnet season in Texas

This is Week 3 of social distancing turned shelter in place to contain the spread of the coronavirus. Week 3 of working from home while parenting. Week 3 of homeschooling, as schools remain closed throughout the country. Many of us are navigating uncharted territory, but even then, I feel incredibly fortunate that we at least get to face these challenges together as a family, within the safety of our own home.

We are (knock on wood) healthy, and thanks to my geeky husband, we have all the technologies that allow us to work, learn, connect, and play. And although my 11-year-old will possibly miss her last months of elementary school before moving on to middle school, and my 8-year-old, who has more playdate invites than I have friends, will have to cope with a blank social calendar, my girls have been troopers. In fact, while this situation is far less than ideal, we're doing better than we thought we would. But it takes work to make it work for all of us.

Here's how we're dealing with the shelter-in-place mandate:

1. Remembering gratitude and grace 
I wrote two words on the fridge on day one: Gratitude and Grace. It was our theme for this crisis, and we discussed why they were important words for this time. We needed to be kinder to one another, gentler with ourselves, and more focused on what we do have, rather than what we don't.

I needed them to understand why we it's crucial to dial up our empathy and be more understanding. Why we need to let go of normal expectations and work with what we can control, rather than fight what we can't. "Why can't we have bow tie pasta with this dish like we usually do?" "Um. We're lucky we have any kind of pasta at all. The store had none." This conversations is SO ridiculous in so many levels at this time, but they're also kids. So I'll cut them some slack. Grace, remember?

2. Learning the facts
We also had to explain why we're confined to our homes. We shared facts about COVID-19 like the symptoms, statistics of those infected, the death toll, and most importantly, how we can prevent the spread. We put social distancing in the context of their own lives to help them really understand what happens if they make poor choices. Would they want to be the cause of 's death?
It may sound harsh, but we've always spoken honestly with them, and I'd much rather speak openly as a family than have them fear (or spread) distortions of the truth through hearsay. Besides, once they understood that they too had a critical part to play in "flattening the curve", they stopped asking about play dates and complaining about staying home. They get honesty. We get peace. It's a win-win.

3. Creating a structure
On the first day of "homeschooling" (in quotes because it's a reeeeeeally loose definition here), my rule-following, academically inclined firstborn prepared a schedule before I even had an inkling of what "learning at home" meant. So I let her run with it. Since her sister would do anything she does anyway, following this structure was a breeze. I only needed to show them the myriad online resources that their Principal and parenting groups shared, and they'd start every morning quietly tackling Math, Reading, and Science on their own while my husband and I took our calls in different parts of the house, uninterrupted. I would also provide a daily writing prompt so they can both capture their experience of this time and practice writing. This helped pass the time until lunch, and I admit, this does not suck.

From 2pm to 5pm they get free play, which means anything from online gaming with friends to playing outside with our neighbor's son, who they're "exclusive with" during this time. Meaning, they don't have any other playmates other than this one boy, and vice versa. Because coronavirus.

But sometimes I toss all that aside and give them a marathon reading day, which they love because they get to spend all day in their PJs, devouring delicious words. My 11yo can go for hours; in fact, we'd have to extricate her from her book. The little one gets antsy after a couple of hours. She's our maker, so she'll head to her crafts table and begin creating something with her hands instead--and that's pretty awesome too.

4. Easing screen-time restrictions
Screen-time rules made sense when we had a daily routine that involved a full day at school, homework and extra curricular activities. When we had teachers focused on educating our kids. When we could separate school/work/home life.

Now when both parents have to juggle a full-time job and parenting at the same time,  all those rules are out the window. Once they're done with the more structured part of their day, they're free to get on Facebook Messenger for Kids to chat and play games with their friends or play video games with our neighbor at his house.

As someone who recently made the decision to quit social media, it was difficult for me to allow them on Messenger. But since it's the only way they can socialize with their besties safely these days, I caved. Initially, I thought they'd spend more time watching TV, but I was wrong. They'd much rather hang out virtually with their besties. Considering how much time they spend with their peers when school's in session, this makes sense; being away from all their friends for this long has to be hard on them. (Plus it's fun for me to hear their sometimes hilarious conversations.)

Learning to make origami Pikachu from an online art class

5. Going outside
This is my favorite part. Every day, the four of us take a break and have lunch together to check in with one another. Then we go outside for a midday walk to get some sun and fresh air, not to mention a little exercise. Even pre-pandemic, I was a lunchtime walker, choosing to eat at my computer so I can spend my lunch hour getting my steps in to meet my daily goal of 10,000 steps. Now I just drag my family with me.

Knowing just how much good that does for our physical and mental well-being, I won't relent on this. Not only does it help my productivity immensely, I think it prevents us from wringing each other's neck a la Homer Simpson for being cooped up in the house for too long.

Plus we get to stop and smell the errr...take pictures with a neighbor's beautiful bluebonnets. It is springtime in Texas, after all. Everyone has to snap those bluebonnet pics.

Springtime sisters

My husband and I also take another walk together after dinner. This time without the girls. That's our chance to connect with no interruptions--and censorship. It helps that we really do love our neighborhood. Being out there, enjoying nature and seeing our neighbors, even if all we get to do is wave and speak from across the street, can be a balm to a really long day. And let's face it: every day can feel like a really long day these days.


I'd be lying if I said that the days go smoothly, everyone is compliant, and nobody ever protests. Hah! In my real world, nerves get frayed and patience gets tried plenty of times. But I have immense gratitude for all the things that do go right in our days, and I try to focus on them.

As for the rest of the time, I turn to grace.

Next: See how we're tackling virtual living.