Wednesday, December 14, 2011

“Will you take a leap with me?”

I admit, I like to play it safe. I don’t gamble, I don’t skydive, I don’t buy a product with no reviews, I don’t even drink more than a cup of coffee a day on week days even though it’s one of my favorite things in the world. I have always had a predictable, stable income that came with medical benefits, or at least made sure someone in the household did. And I always pay my taxes. On time.

I think you get the picture. So imagine when My Guy quit his job last week with nothing more than a dream to be an entrepreneur, some savings and a lot of hope that he will succeed.

I knew that day would come, as he’s been preparing for it since I met him, but with two little girls now, I almost went into a panic attack when he first informed me of his plans. What about health insurance? The car? Cable? His penchant for expensive hobbies and gadgets? Weekend brunches? Daily coffee breaks at giant chain stores? Did I mention health insurance?

My Spidey senses tingled. But he was prepared for my questions. Because this had been his plan all along, he had done his due diligence. For every question fired his way, he had a logical answer.

Still. They were mostly theories and hypotheticals. Of course I unraveled again when we spoke about the unspeakable: What if you fail? What if we can’t afford this life? What if someone gets really sick? What if, what if, what if... A reaction that was typical of me, the safe-better. Or worse, the naysayer.

This conversation didn’t just take one night. It took the course of several hours in several days, imagining every possible scenario. We spoke ad nauseam. He knew I was worried, so he talked and I listened. And sometimes, it was the other way around. It was a big risk. With a family, a monumental risk. He knew that, but he wasn’t doing this just for himself.

He was doing it for us so that he could be there when we needed him. So that he wouldn’t miss his kids’ events because of some work-imposed deadlines. So that he could be more than just a breadwinner. He wanted to be here. With us. This new endeavor would allow that. Or at least he would make sure it did.

Then one day, out of the blue, he took my hand in his, looked me in the eye and asked, “Will you take a leap with me?”

Staring back into those eyes that drew me in all those years ago, it reminded me of why we were here today. His passion, his intelligence, his ingenuity, his ambition - they were why I fell for him in the first place. So why would I even think to stifle those parts of him that made him who he was – ones that endeared him to me? And somehow, at that very moment, I knew that we would be fine.

It wasn’t the guarantee of success that calmed my nerves, for there was none, but it was the faith that no matter what happens, we will make this work. As a family. I could tell our support was extremely important to him, because essentially, he wasn’t doing this just for himself. He was doing it for us too.

And I thought to myself - how cool would it be for our girls to witness and be inspired by their dad who dared to break out of the mold to pursue the goals that were important to him?

Then I realized I wanted this for the girls. I wanted this for him. And I wanted this for us.

And so I climbed out of my comfort zone, and I said yes.


MyGuyAtTheAdventServiceMy Guy, who missed Little Miss’ stage debut last year because of work deadlines, made it this year with us.
I will take that as a good sign.

Since then, he made the arduous but necessary preparations to get his business going full steam ahead and when the stars aligned, he quit his day job.

We are at week one of this new chapter in our lives. Our routine is in a tizzy, but I suspect that we will find our groove eventually. It’s still too early to tell what this will do for our family in the long run, but unlike a few weeks ago, my panic attacks have dissipated.

Instead, they’ve been replaced by the strength of my pride and faith in this man who dared to follow his dreams. And took me and the girls with him.

I know this doesn’t seem like much. It may even be a no-brainer for some, but for a girl whose own dad left his family behind as his business ventures took off, whose anxieties stem from an absentee parent in childhood, this means everything to me.

* * *

This post is dedicated to My Guy who could. And did.

I am in awe of you.