Monday, November 7, 2011

I’m Published!


Well, kinda. Not really.

You see, my blog turned two about a week ago and unfortunately, due to an out-of-town trip, Halloween and prep for Little Miss’ birthday party, the celebration had to take a back seat. Actually, it was more like being stuffed in the trunk. Under the spare.

I just didn’t have the time to write.

But the occasion didn’t go unnoticed. My Guy remembered the anniversary and surprised me with a gift that took my breath away—He gave me a book. Not just any book. It’s my book. This gem of a man compiled all these words that I’d written in the last two years and printed them into a book for me. Or rather, for us, as a family.


“In case the Internet breaks,” he joked as I flipped through the pages, seeing the story our lives in print through tears that threatened to spill on its pristine surface.


On the outside, I was mostly speechless with gratitude. He did it again -- he gave me something I didn’t even know I wanted until it was in my hands. On the inside, I was thinking, He gets me. He really gets me.

That and Shit, how am I going to top this for his birthday?

* * *

A year ago, when I celebrated my first anniversary, I wrote about what this space meant to me. Those words ring true today too except now there is another baby, Thumper, who gives me yet another reason to write. Ironically, her presence also greatly diminishes my time spent on the computer.

But it’s the good kind of absence. The kind that involves chubby baby rolls, dimpled cheeks, and belly laughs, reminding me of how very full my life is. The kind that whispers, so this is what happiness really feels like.

Whisper, because I’m afraid that if it’s uttered out loud, it just might vanish with its echo. Because a year ago, as we were unraveling from unbelievable pressure, I didn’t dare to dream that we could ever get here. And so I tremulously hold on to these sweet, delicious days, sleep deprivation and toddler tantrums notwithstanding, because I know, having come out of the unbearable darkness, just how fragile and precious this light is.  

These past two years have been momentous in many ways. As Dickens says, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” and this space has been my sounding board, my refuge, and my sanctuary.  While it’s cathartic to write, it’s the conversations that happen here that fuel my need to continue on this path. The friendships, the solidarity, and the community of the blogosphere are so rich that my real life is envious of my virtual life.

I guess now would be the perfect time for me to say thank you to those of you who supported me, inspired me, encouraged me, helped me, guided me, understood me, loved me at my best, and loved me at my worst. To my girls for always giving me new material.

And especially to My Guy, who has done, and continues to do, all of the above and more.