Thursday, May 19, 2011

I can do this


I received an email from My Guy the other day that simply said, Can you believe we get to do this all over again?” and with it was a picture of an infant, toothless Little Miss grinning at the camera. I melted. It seemed so long ago.

Where once there was fear, in these last few days of anticipation there is excitement. Doubt has given way to peace. What will it be like? Will I be a good mom to both Little Miss and Thumper? Can I handle two little beings who will be needing me all the time? All of these questions, though unanswered, have fought out of their dark corners and into a place of light.

I can do this. I have to. I will.

My doctor informed me that she doesn’t think Thumper will make it to my due date as I’m already 4.5 cm dilated. Because of that, I may not even have time for an epidural! That didn’t sit well with me. When it comes to pain, I am the wimpiest person I know. As much as it scares me, the thought that this is fleeting helps. The labor is but a miniscule part of having this baby after all.  

I can do this. I have to. I will.

Once she’s here, the hard part begins - the nursing, the pumping, the sleepless nights, the deciphering of infant cries, the fretting, the fussing. Then there’s the big sister who will continue to need, want, demand and also question, wonder, frustrate. Twice the fun!

I can do this. I have to. I will.

But when I think about the scent and sighs of an infant, the answer that Little Miss gave when I asked her what she’d do when Thumper is here (“I will take care of her”), the teeny, powder soft infant clothes, the quiet nights of gliding in the rocker with a baby in my arms, the way Little Miss turned to me in the middle of reading her book and simply said, “I love you, mommy,” I can’t think of anything better.

And I can’t believe we get to do it all over again.