Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Is it a girl? Is it a boy?

When the moment of truth arrived, I have to say, I wasn’t prepared for it. I was nervous all day, thinking about the ultrasound. Is it a girl? Is it a boy? Do I want a girl? Do I want a boy? I committed to neither because I knew both would be great in their own way. However, when the technician finally pointed out the missing “boy parts” between the legs, I admit that my heart did sink a little. Huh. Another girl.

Although I was disappointed in my own reaction, I immediately processed and understood my reservations. It would’ve been nice to have “the complete set” – one girl, one boy. And because we aren’t planning on having another, I realized then that I would never know what it’s like to be a mother to a son. The Asian in me (and not always the most rational part of me) also felt bad for not being able “to give My Guy a son” since it’s such a big part of my culture to not just bear children but to bear sons. Thankfully, he didn’t feel the same.

He was the first to happily post a picture of the ultrasound on Facebook to announce that it was in fact a she. I was relieved that My Guy was happy with the news. Somehow I thought he would’ve been happier with a boy, and it took some convincing for me to believe otherwise. He also reminded me of what that meant for our daughter, who really wanted a baby sister. She got her wish!

When I posted my own announcement on Facebook, there were many happy cheers, but what moved me was when a couple of people reached out to me specifically to let me know how great they thought it was for Little Miss to have a sister because of their own wonderful relationships with theirs. It also made me think of my mom’s tight-knit bond with her sister. That was when I remembered why I wanted to have another baby in the first place. It was never for me. It was for Little Miss.

As an only child myself, even though I enjoyed being the center of attention growing up, I also know what it’s like to have to solely shoulder the expectations, hopes and responsibilities of my family. Sometimes, it can be burdensome for one person, and I didn’t want that for my daughter. Not only does she deserve a sibling who could help her bear the weight, but having a sister could quite possibly mean a lifetime of best friendship. Of course, I’m not so naive as to think that all sisters become buddies as there are horror stories out there. But there are always horror stories, whether it’s with one child, two or ten, girl or boy so I’m going to go with the positive. It’s the best route with which to begin don’t you think?

I could see Little Miss and Thumper (that’s what we call her from all the restless kicking in the womb) exchanging knowing glances and furtive smiles with one another across the dining table. I could see them confiding in each other. I could see them sharing boy secrets during their girl talks. I could see them fighting and making up and fighting and making up but they would still always be there for one another. All of these I desperately wanted for myself when I was growing up but didn’t have. And now Little Miss just might, which warms my heart. When I chose to see all of that, my initial feelings of apprehension vanished.

Instead, I became excited for them and for us as parents. We’re going to have two girls! Our girls. I like the sound of that. They will be the Little Misses of my stories. More importantly, together, they will weave stories of their own sisterhood. And I choose to believe that it’ll be wonderful.

So, yes, I’m having another girl, and I can honestly say that I am happy. Really happy.


SmileyAnother one like this? Why, yes, please!

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Do you have a close relationship with a sibling? What is it like? If you’re a parent, what’s your experience with your kids? What were your initial feelings and hopes versus your now reality?