&#@*%$*$@#*&@#!!! That's usually what comes out of my mouth, piercing the quiet of our nights in our home office. That's me when I'm blogging. I've been blogging with our a six-year-old laptop at home and while it has served us well over the years, lately, I’ve found it slow to respond to my needs. The blogs I read take longer to load, and the photos I try to access from our home server (yes, I live with a geek – how can you tell?) take three life cycles of a bee to appear. And for someone who loves efficiency above cleanliness (you’d agree too if you saw my desk) and who is all about instant gratification, coupled with the fact that patience is NOT my virtue, it’s been frustrating, to say the least.
Many a night, I’ve slammed my hands on the keyboard because the computer just isn’t cooperating and while My Guy tries to help, I turn him away because he’s often busy with “real” work that pays the bills and to drag him away from billable hours to troubleshoot issues related to my blog (a.k.a. unpaid hobby) seems ludicrous to me. And so I continue to wrestle with the keyboard and spew expletives at the screen. We have four other computers in the house – I’m not even sure why I continue to fight this one. Maybe it’s the principle.
However, all this ended when My Guy came home with a surprise one evening. He urged me to stay in our bedroom until he was ready, and in 15 minutes, he walked me to our home office and showed me this:
My jaw dropped. It's an all-in-one computer with a 22” LCD screen, and for the first time in a long time, I fell in love with a piece of technology. The last time this happened was with my Atari, and some of you may remember just how long ago that was (circa early 80s and boy does that age me). Granted, the geek in My Guy is all over this baby, but I’m not worried because he has his own uber machine (that I will no longer hog the moment he leaves his chair now that I have my own super swanky one).
And while he all but salivated while fondling this machine to set it up for me, all the programs he installed on the computer were specifically for my blogging ease. He knew I was struggling with the Blogger editor so he did his research and found another program that apparently works better - Windows Live Writer - which he loaded onto my new computer, hoping it would end my blogging woes (so far so good…). New machine, new blog editor, neither of which I had asked for, but here I am, reveling in the ease at which I’m flying through this once painstakingly slow process. For the first time since I started blogging, I'm not plagued by computer issues and I don’t have to decipher HTML codes to get a post to publish right (Hallelujah!). All because someone cared enough to listen. And cared enough to do something about it.
I admit, this is an extravagant indulgence for which I half-heartedly chided him but he assured me that it was a special occasion. A celebration of my passionate pursuit, of my writing, of finally finding the courage to share these words. It is by no small miracle that I am consistently here in my little corner of the inter web, battling my demons - the insecurities, the fear of judgment and failure, the fatigue from a full-time job, the demands of parenthood, the (now ex-)laptop that couldn't, the worry of offending people and the constant race against time. Yet, here I am.
My Guy knows how important this is to me, and by this virtue alone, he makes it important to him. It’s evident in the effort he put in this surprise, those nights he insisted on making dinner and cleaning the kitchen just so I could have more time to write, the chair and keyboard he got me to enhance the ergonomics of my workspace at home and his firm handle on his role in our partnership that enables me the freedom to share my world with others. These words that you read here may be mine. Even this gorgeous and highly efficient piece of machinery – mine. But these often invisible hands that prop me up comfortably at my desk and the voice that soothes these words out of me are his. If it wasn't for his loving support, and his remarkable ability to really listen to me and respond in kind, I wouldn't be here. Chugging away. Getting these last few words out late into the night. Especially these ones:
Thank you. For this.