Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Future awkward conversations with my kid

Apart from the dreaded birds-and-bees talk, I can think of a few other conversations with my kid that may make me squirm in my seat a little. I'm not one for improv so perhaps being prepared for it now isn't a bad idea. Here's a few I can think of (among the many I will encounter in the future I'm sure):

  1. Why Barbie is not the feminine ideal. Your boobs are just fine.
  2. Slavery and the South; immigration laws and Arizona – making sense of things that don’t make sense
  3. The social hierarchy of high school and playgrounds – why it’s imperative to have good hair
  4. Scholarships – why you should strive for good grades (because we’re not paying for your college)
  5. Why the dog is no longer with us – and the bad things you did to make her go away
  6. Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy and Michael Jackson - same difference
  7. Why your father and I have different last names - and how it has nothing to do with how much we love each other
  8. CDs, paperback novels and newspapers – what these are
  9. Why there are 244,285 pictures of the firstborn and possibly only 230 of the (someday) second
  10. Yin and Yang is a Chinese philosophy, not a glib reference to your privates
  11. Sports - what people who don’t live in this house do
  12. Why the past and present tense of “read” are spelled the same but not pronounced the same way
  13. Be smart about drinking, as in get drunk only when someone else is buying
  14. Why tweeting about your sex life is unacceptable - especially if your parents are your followers
  15. Sarah Palin

Do you have any awkward conversations you’re dreading? Care to add to this list?