Friday, October 30, 2009
For someone who loves writing, it sure took me a long time to decide to do this. I wish I could say an epiphany finally led me here, but sadly, it's just sheer boredom. Daunted by my lack of direction in life, I figured I wouldn't know what to write about, and I still don't. But now I'm just tired of waiting "for the right moment". Little Miss, my almost one-year-old daughter, was not a right-moment baby, but now I cannot, will not, imagine my life without her.
Surely I could blog about the trials and tribulations of bringing up baby, and maybe I will, but it's bad enough that my life has lately been relegated to the daily stress of my child’s sleeping, pooping, eating, and playing habits (in that order), I don’t think I’d want that encroaching into what could possibly be my only creative outlet. But then again, who am I kidding? She is not just a part of my routine; she is my life now. The occasional awestruck first-time-parenting moment will undoubtedly and inevitably make its appearance here, and perhaps this could double as a record-keeper as I’ve been surprisingly unsentimental about the whole thing.
Confession number one of a guilty mom: No, I didn’t mark the baby calendar to acknowledge her first real food (pureed green beans), first mangled word (cat, pronounced “tat”), her first attempt at crawling (some time in her 7th month), etc. In fact, I stopped at “first laugh” and that was about six weeks into it, and the calendar now sits under an assortment of baby record-keeping paraphernalia – memory box, treasure box, and scrapbook. All gifts. All untouched. Her milestones were text book. She was thriving, she seemed happy and that was all I cared about. Would she be mad at 16 when she realizes she does not know the precise date of her first steps? I suppose I could take comfort in the fact that at 16, she’ll be mad about everything anyway, so what’s one more?
I can’t believe I’m already ruminating about her teenage years. But what parent doesn’t, although our thoughts about our someday teenager are usually accompanied by feelings of abject terror. However, I’d like to look past the rebellion and the talking back and the sneaking around for now (if you’re not Jesus Christ, surely you can relate?) and just relish this Little Girl Who Could in front of me. If she continues on her current path, I know she will also be independent, intelligent, witty, goofy, and headstrong. She will embrace life. She will dance her heart out. She will throw her head back and laugh with her belly and her eyes. And she will love passionately and unequivocally. And (god forbid) she will even be a Trekkie. (Stupid daddy genes!). But 16 can wait.
Now, at 11 months and 17 days, she is on the cusp of her first step…perhaps after that, she will venture into the unknown, as I watch in awe, not knowing, but knowing at the same time: The world is her oyster.
I just hope she eats it raw. Like her mom.